I don't usually ask this

[Alexis Prodigy]

Some feedback on the two RPs I posted today would be great.

["Gentleman" Jim Douglas]

I'll get to it tomorrow at the latest

["Gentleman" Jim Douglas]

A character development RP - Alexis Prodigy[/u]

Firstly, the basic stuff like spelling and grammar was generally sound throughout the RP. The dialogue between the two characters flowed nicely and rarely seemed too forced, which is a difficult skill to master.

Personally, although I know it's difficult to change your writing style that you've been using for a long time, I'd try to steer away from the "film script" style that you're using at the moment and perhaps considering writing in continuous prose. Again, it's only personal preference, but I think we as readers can get "into" the scene a lot better with this method (using speech marks for dialogue, not using stage directions but being more descriptive outside of dialogue).

Even if you decide to stick with the script style, I'd like to see the 'stage directions' developed a little more. Tell us about the surroundings. What's going on? How is the character talking/acting? How does the other character react? In my opinion, it's improving things like these which turn a solid RP (which this is, btw) into an excellent RP.

Also, very minor, but the ending was quite abrupt. Make sure you finish your story and make it "complete", perhaps with a final line of important or noteworthy dialogue, or a distinct stage direction/piece of prose.

Overall, though, I thought this RP was a good way of introducing us into the "whys" and "hows" of Lexington's transformation into the new character. A solid piece highlighting your potential as a writer. Nice work.

["Gentleman" Jim Douglas]

The Ballad of Alexis Prodigy - Alexis Prodigy[/u]

Loved the start of this one. Very direct and in your face. Grabs the reader very well.

What comes next is well-written, though a little confusing to me. Who is "the voice" in this particular instance? Simply an omnipotent narrator? Herman? Or Alexis herself? I think it would help if you made that a little clearer.

The change between the Lexington character and Alexis is immediately obvious, which is good. Again, although the 'stage directions' have improved somewhat in this RP, I think it would be beneficial to occasionally give the reader more. You cover body language well, but perhaps consider tone of voice. Tell us how each character is speaking during particularly important pieces of dialogue. It helps to set the scene better, I think.

You've managed to do exactly what Terrence Carlyle said in the previous RP - Alexis is more approachable and easier to relate to than Lexington. Her dialogue flows effortlessly and naturally once more - you can imagine her saying everything that she says, rather than it seeming obvious that it's a wrestling promo. Again, definitely one of your strengths.

There's a little bit of hypocrisy from Alexis during the match-talk, though this might have been intentional to show her internal struggle. Other than that, though, the match talk was solid.

Overall, I think this is another good RP, probably better than your first. Still a few things I think you can work on, but if you carry on working to your strengths, I reckon you'll see some good results in SCW.

[Alexis Prodigy]

I'd like some more feedback for my latest RP. Part of me liked it, part of me is unsure.

[Night Crawler]

Well I don't want to be pretentious and discuss any RPs you haven't specifically asked for feedback for, but I read the one you mentioned. Here's my thoughts:

Extremely well written, as always. I really like how you tied the story to the comments you had about the match, creating common themes. Something I've been trying to work on myself. It give the story a great sense of continuity.

The only constructive critisizm I could offer is that it did feel just a bit dry. Your character was very condescending, which works for her character, but she didn't seem to portray much else in that RP.

You have have fixed that in your newer rps, I regret to admit that I am not quite caught up yet.

[Alexis Prodigy]

Thank you. Yeah, that last RP of last cycle wasn't something I was super proud of when I was finished. But again, thank you for the feedback