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Post by R.M. Strong on Jun 21, 2012 5:05:44 GMT -6
Does anyone wanna drop me some feedback on my Roleplay? Its my first roleplay with R.M. Strong in over a year... I'll return the favor: strongarmed.webs.com/index.htm |
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Post by "Gentleman" Jim Douglas on Jun 21, 2012 5:44:24 GMT -6
The Great White Hunter Part One - R.M. Strong[/b]
Again, as usual, I'm reviewing as I see things here, so sorry if it's a bit all over the place.
Like the opening. It's direct, and gives us a quick refresher of Strong's attitude and mindset. The introduction to the second scene is also nicely done as well, giving us some info, yet still leaving us intrigued as to exactly what is going on.
Ten older woman should be ten older women. Plural.
The "Breaking the 4th Wall" schtick is excellent, and very subtly done. Keep dropping those in in the future, just be wary of overdoing it and diluting the comedy. In this RP though, it works great.
I like the back and forth between Strong and Brendan, but just keep and eye sometimes on the dialogue. Occasionally it seems very forced, like:
R. M. Strong : No... It was a trick to get you over here.... Its only got skittles in it... And Vicodin is hand written....
I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine Strong (or anyone...) saying that in that way. Make sure you type dialogue as if you'd actually say it out loud.
Solid match-talk as always, and I imagine/hope you'll follow it up in RP 2. And a nice cliffhanger ending to leave us wanting more. Not a lot really happened in the RP, but what did happen read well.
Overall, I'd call this a pretty successful return to handling R.M. Strong, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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