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Post by Chris Schofield on Jun 25, 2012 0:01:39 GMT -6
Would be awesome if I could get some general thoughts from people on my non-match related RP. Haven't rped in a while, and have't really done first person before so it would help alot  |
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Post by Mark Carlton on Jun 25, 2012 0:43:40 GMT -6
I enjoyed it. The humour was good and it built suspense pretty well - I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. The changes I would make:
1) You probably don't need italics for your body text when you're writing first person. That's purely a cosmetic thing, but I find italics are more useful in that context when you want to show a specific thought, rather than a sort of stream-of-consciousness.
2) With this paragraph:
I would have written "From the voice, I am certain of two things: first, this is not a local; second, this is a man, or at least a very convincing trannie."
Again, cosmetic, but lists in first-person narrative can break the flow a bit.
3) Again, this is purely a personal cosmetic choice, but I've often found present-tense writing to not work as well with narrative as it does with screenplay. Not that yours was bad, I just think it would have been better in past tense.
Those few minor things aside, this was a good piece, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do next.
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Post by The Great One on Jun 25, 2012 0:50:13 GMT -6
Ummm....Carlton...you have a PM....
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Post by Chris Schofield on Jun 25, 2012 2:05:55 GMT -6
Thanks, I posted Part 2 with that in mind. So if anyone wants to share their thoughts, feel free |
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